The Trying Times of Peeta Mellark
by Heavyarms59
Summary: Being in love with your best friend is hard. Having her boyfriend be a giant prick is unbearable. The Psychotic breaks probably aren't helping either.
1. Intro Arc: Baking is So Much Cooler

_**Notes: I wished I owned the Hunger Games, but I don't. Suzanne Collins does so bully for her.**_

_**Oh, boy my first attempt at fanfic. Let's see if I can take a left to avoid Angst City and go straight to Fluff Town.**_

"Peeta what are you doing?"

That's not good. That pretty girl with the brunette hair and grey eyes? That's Katniss Everdeen, the girl I've loved since I was five, my neighbor, and the most intimidating person I know…well after Hawthorne.

Damn Hawthorne.

I mean, who likes the whole dark and brooding thing anyway? Unfortunately for me, Katniss happens to be one of them. I mean just because he's older and smokes and has a motorcycle doesn't make him cool. Everyone knows baking is so much cooler and leads to a longer lifespan. I mean my dad is still alive after all these years and he's married to my mom. Oh, lord I'm losing it.

"Peeta? You losing it again? I need your help with something." My personification of the best girl ever told me.

"Sorry Katniss. I just started on a new recipe I wanted to show dad and I kind of lost track of time. What's up?" I said.

"I was wondering if next Friday you could make me some of your cheese buns…like a lot of them. I'll pay you back I promise." She says.

I don't like where this is going. Last time she asked me to make "a lot" of something it was for…

"It's for Gale and his friends."

I knew it. Even when he's not around he finds ways to annoy me. I still can't believe Katniss gave him another chance after how he acted when they hijacked my house.

_**Two months ago**_

Man, I'm tired. Can't wait to just go upstairs and sleep for a couple of hours. Well, I would if Gale and Katniss weren't making out on the couch and Cato and Thom weren't playing Grand Theft Auto 5 right next to them.

"Sorry, bro. You don't mind if we use your house to hang out right?" Gale said.

_Change that Narrator!_

_Fine._

"Sorry, bro. You don't mind if we use your house to hang out right?" _Hawthorne _said.

_Thank you!_

"No! It's not OK. By the way, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE? Katniss?" I said.

"I'm sorry, Peeta. My mom doesn't like Gale and his friends and we needed a place to hang out. I thought since you guys weren't home right now it would be OK. I'm sorry." She said.

"I don't mind you hanging out here Katniss…" I stop as I notice a very important piece is missing from the living room. I ask the question already knowing the answer, "Katniss, where is my mom's vase?"

That look of guilt combined with the fact she turns away tells me what I need to know and I turn enraged to Hawthorne.

"What did you do with my mom's vase?" I said angrily.

"It's no big deal rich boy. I knocked it over when I was opening a beer. You can just buy another one." He said.

That motorcycle driving, cigarette smoking, arrogant prick!

"Get the hell out of my house Hawthorne! Make sure to take your friends with you when you leave." I said.

I guess he didn't like that. His eye narrow and his fists clench like he wants to start a fight, but Katniss stops him.

"We'll go I'm sorry, Peeta. Tell your mom that I'll pay to replace the vase and I'll see you later." She says sadly.

**Present Day**

I knew Katniss would be in big trouble so I took the blame. Dad looked disappointed and mom grounded me for a month. It could have been worse though, but Katniss kept apologizing for a week after until I told her to stop.

"What does he want this time? Some snicker doodles while he's driving my dad's car over the ravine and lands it into a bottomless pit?" Sarcasm Peeta says.

"Yes to the Snicker Doodle part, no to the rest of it. I told him that it wasn't right what he did, and that if he ever treats you like that again that we're through. Please, Peeta I want you two to get along." She says with the puppy dog eyes. I hate those things.

"Fine, but only because you asked me. I expect weeks of worship in return." I said

She flashes that killer smile at me and I almost fall over it's so beautiful. "Thank you, Peeta! I'm going to go tell him right now and you guys can bond when we all hang out on Saturday." She says as she runs out of the hou….

Wait, what about Saturday?


	2. Intro Arc: Stand Proud

**Notes: Once again I don't own the Hunger Games and now Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. Those are owned by Suzanne Collins and Hirohiko Araki respectively. BTW, major spoilers for Part six: Stone Ocean of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure so be warned. **

**Though if I told you what I really really want it wouldn't be a zig ah zig ah, it would be owning these fine works of fiction myself.**

**Strap in folks, it's going to be a mess. **

"Well, Peeta I'll see you in class. If you want to doze off today, go ahead. I'll give you my notes, that way you can save you energy for Saturday. See ya." Katniss says as she walks away and makes her only appearance this chapter.

Man, this Saturday is going to blow harder than a fic you like having a really depressing sequel hook ending.

(Still can't believe she left him and State 4, sequel or not!)

Wait, am I aware of alternate universes where I'm a fictional character and fanfic is written about me? Oh look there's my friend Johnny. I better say something cool.

"Sup, Broseidon king of the pool!" I said.

Nailed it.

Hold on….who the hell is Johnny?

_**Inside Peeta's Mind**_

"_Narrator!? Get your disembodied ass out here!" _I said.

"_What now? Oh, you must be talking about the original character." _Annoyed Narrator said.

My face turns red and with a controlled fury I said, "_What? First, you have the gall to call Hawthorne…ugh "Gale" and now you're putting in an ORIGINAL CHARACTER IN MY LIFE?! Don't you know 9.9 times out of 10 they suck…well except for Brue._" I say as I turn towards the reader.

((This message was brought to you by Sohypothetically and her story Girls Night Out.) (Available now.)

"_Seriously?! You get mad at me for an original character, and then you go on to plug another fic. That's cold-blooded, Peeta." _Narrator said.

"_This is my story. Now I have to fix your mess. Well if Johnny is here; guess I have to replace him with a similar yet fanservicey character. Johnny's on the swim team so a guy with dirty blonde hair that swims…." I say inquisitively. Eureka!_

"_Finnick! Though in order to bring Finnick to this universe, Johnny has to die." _I said.

"_Wait, what?! Now you're going to flat out murder the guy?" _Incredulous Narrator says.

"_That's how that stand works. I'll let the Jojo narrator explain." I said._

"_MADE IN HEAVEN: A STAND WITH THE POWER TO MAKE TIME MOVE SO FAST IT CEASES TO EXIST AND CREATES ANOTHER UNIVERSE! ALSO, ANYONE WHO'S RECENTLY DIED BEFORE THE ACTIVATION OF THE STAND IS REPLACED WITH A SIMLIAR PERSON." _Gloriously over the top JoJo narrator said.

"_What he said. I create a new universe, and anyone who's recently died is replaced by a similar person. I'll just make sure it's Finnick" _Sociopath Peeta says.

….

"_Really? Now you have a stand? So basically this Hunger Games fic just turned into Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. How does that work? By the way, he's not going to be taking my job is he?" _Anime enthusiast narrator said.

"_First of all no, his over the top delivery is way too much for such a subdued Everlark story. Second, I'm Peeta fucking Mellark so I have multiple stands. Third, I would say cue the Stardust Crusaders arc theme song, but copyright and all so I'll go watch it on YouTube after I bring Finnick into existence in this universe._" I say cursing copyright laws.

"_OK, first I'll summon Star Platinum to kill Johnny…"_

"_STAR PLATINUM: A STAND WITH THE POWER TO PUNCH THE SHIT OUT OF THINGS SUCH AS A JEEP AND CAR SIZED DIAMONDS!" _Mr. Campy narrator said.

"….yeah. What he said." I said

30 seconds later after a lot of oras, punches, and a lump of meat and bone that used to be Johnny….

"…_I'll summon Made in Heaven to make time move so fast it creates another universe with Finnick in it…"_

(Seriously folks, that's a plot point in part six: Stone Ocean. Minus the Finnick part. Oh, and I guess spoilers.)

"_Ok, I'm done. Now I got my male best friend Finnick. Thanks for letting me rewrite the universe narrator. I'm out! JoJo narrator, go back to your show." Peeta says as he goes back to the new universe._

_#NoMoreJohnnyJustFinnick _

?

?

?

"_The fuck just happened?"_ Psychotic break Narrator said.

"_Ari ari ari ari ari ari ari ari ari Arrivederci!"_ Nonsensical JoJo narrator said.

**End of Chapter Notes: Well…that sure got away from me. I warned people on tumblr we were going off the rails and here we are.** **So expect these surreal wtf chapters now. Probably odd number chapters are "reality" based; evens are more nonsensical and ridiculous.**

**Next chapter: New York's Finnick debuts! **


	3. Intro Arc: Why you Gotta be so OH NO!

**Notes: For the third time, I don't own the Hunger Games, Naruto, or Divergent. Those belong to Suzanne Collins, Masashi Kishimoto, and Veronica Roth. I'll see you at the end with more notes.**

Oh my god what have I gotten myself into? The things I do for unrequited love that I hope will with the power of a thousand suns turn into an eternal flame of happiness.

I really need to stop listening to dad's Bangles albums.

So now dear observers, I've somehow been roped by Katniss into hanging out with her and Gale this Saturday to bond…..in the woods.

The woods are not a good place for me people. The place where those two are super mega expert about everything and the last time I tried communing with nature with Katniss, I ended up eating poisonous berries. I was just lucky that all they did was make me sick.

A memory I would not like to repeat. Hawthorne knows this; he's just doing it because he knows I'll hate it. Gale Hawthorne that sanctimonious prick with his outdoor skills and his leather jacket.

Its 90 degrees out, why are you wearing a leather jacket?!

Its times like these I remember I was so close to telling Katniss how I feel. It was about a week before she met Gale…..excuse me Hawthorne.

**Flashback-sama**

"_I can't believe you got tickets to see L'arc en Ciel, Katniss. Those tickets have been sold out for months." I said._

_I had heard they were playing a show in Madison Square Garden and after she got the tickets, we got permission from our parents to go. Not quite sure how we pulled that one off in retrospect._

"_Well, I remember you telling me they only come to the US once a year and Jo knows some people in the music industry. I asked her about it and when I told her that you liked them, she got the tickets for me." Katniss said. _

_Johanna Mason….I should have known. She's always suspected my feelings for Katniss were more than platonic. I'm sure she's getting a kick out of this. I get the feeling that's why she's given me the nickname of….Hopeless._

"_That was suspiciously generous of her. Still, getting two L'arc en Ciel tickets with my best friend is worth the endless teasing later." I said out loud for some idiotic reason. _

"_Why would she tease you? Because you like a Japanese band?" Katniss said beautifully befuddled._

"_Umm….because…" What the hell do I say! Type Peeta said._

"_Because of how I…" Spit it out…you're almost there._

_I see Katniss and her eyes are open wide staring at something behind me._

"_What is it?" I said with trepidation._

"_Some people are getting on the bus….and they're dressed like those anime ninjas you watch. Behind them are…Divergent cosplayers!" Katniss said with fear in her voice._

_OH NO! I forgot New York comic con was this week. Naruto and Divergent fanbases in the same vicinity of each other? This can only end in one way….trying to prove which series has the better ships! _

"_Everyone knows Four/Triss are the best otp of all time. Get your Japanese filth out of my face!" A Triss wannabe said._

"_Sasu/Saku is the best couple of all time Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro Chan Kitty Kun Chidori Rasengan cha Susanoo! Besides the ending of that series sucked! Ooh look at me, it's so dark. I'm so brooding and deep!" _

_Suddenly the bus comes to a stop and we've reached the next pickup point. Katniss grabs my hand and pulls me toward the front._

"_We're getting the hell out of here before we're caught in this mess." Katniss said._

_Damn it! I was so close!_

**Farewell Flashback-sama**

Ugh, better get to school before I depress myself even more. This Saturday is not going to be fun.

Still, I can't back out of this or else Katniss will tear me a new one. That didn't end well for Gloss Sanders. I still see him zone out every once in a while, remembering the time Katniss gave him an atomic wedgie after he threw a pitch at my head during an inter-squad practice.

After a boring day of learning and a math class where I answered, "the sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the hypotenuse." I said.

Along with the teacher telling me…

"That's an equilateral triangle you idiot!"

I was done with school. I then saw my new alternate universe replacement friend Finn. We went to a bench outside and I told him the story of what happened and vented about Hawthorne.

"I don't know what to do, Finn." I said despairingly. "It's like no matter what he does, Katniss just doesn't see that he's a douche. I mean we've gone past Chuck Bass levels and gone straight to Luke Fon Fabre."

"That is the maximum level of douche." Finn says as he takes a sip of his root beer.

"I got to say, isn't drinking soda kinda counter intuitive to maintaining a fit swimmer's body?" I said.

Finnick Odair…aka bronze god…aka personification of the guy women go for….aka the guy best friend every male protagonist needs in a story like this.

"It's better than having the taste of chlorine 24/7. Let's head to your house and think of something to prepare you for Saturday." Swim Master Finn says.

As we walk to my car, we see Marvel playing an acoustic guitar. He starts to sing, "Why you gotta be so…." Before he can finish that line I take his guitar from him and smash him over the head with it.

Finn and I look at each other.

"Fucking hate that song." We say simultaneously.

**End of chapter notes: Well that update took a little bit. I want to say that it was writer's block, but really I was playing Tales of Symphonia Chronicles.**

**The flashback was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend of mine (it was similar but I changed it up a bit.)**

**The line about the Pythagorean Theorem is from The Simpsons. That show used to be awesome.**

**Next Chapter: Narrate your life, Young Mellark!**

**Actually scratch that!**

**Next chapter: Let's go back to the past and meet the Blood Kain!**


	4. chapter -21123 side-story: You cheated!

**I don't own the Hunger Games or Blazblue. Those belong to Suzanne Collins and Arc System Works. This was part of the Everark Drabble challenge on Tumblr. Enjoy this little trip to the past.**

"Black Onslaught!" the voice from the TV screen says.

"You cheated! You said that astral heats weren't allowed this match, Peeta!" Katniss said.

I hear the door opening and I see Prim walk in. She sure looks chipper.

"I could hear you yelling from outside the house, big sister. Why are you yelling and what in the world is an astral heat?" Prim says inquisitively.

**Return of Flashback-sama**

"_Oh my god, I hate you Jin; you blue coat wearing, katana wielding bastard!" I said._

"_Peeta, I don't understand why you get so upset? It's just a video game." The one who presently doesn't understand said._

…_..what?_

…_.WHAT?_

…_..WHAT?!_

"_Just a video game?! You dare talk about the great Blazblue like that? How can I not get upset? I'm Ragna the Bloodedge trying to avenge our sister's death but my psycho brother keeps getting in my way." Fanatical Peeta says._

"_OK…..why is there a giant cat wielding a sword?" _

"_That's Ragna's master. Taught him how to wield the Blood-scythe…..and that confused look on your face is funny, Katty-baby. Here's the controller and you'll see what I mean." Ridiculous nickname Peeta says._

"_First off: never use that nickname for me ever again. Second, I'll try it for a match then let's do something else?" Foolishly naïve Katniss says._

_Heh heh heh heh heh heh_

_**Farewell once more Flashback-sama**_

"OK, somehow you managed to not answer my question." Confused Prim says.

"It's a special attack in the final round if hit instantly ends the match. We agreed not to use them but SOMEBODY decided to be a cheat master!" New Blazblue fan Katniss says.

"…_.._You two belong together. I'm going to bed." Bemused Prim says as the side-story ends.


End file.
